Life begins on the edge of your comfort zone. I had seen this many times before, but it took on a whole new meaning for me when I truly began living my life. Living life for me was born through pain. The deep emotional pain that encompasses mental illness.
My name is Sean Paul Adam. I just turned 30 years old and I’m living in Dover, NH. I have lived on the seacoast for my entire life. Until my early 20's I lived life rather cautiously. Did not ruffle to many feathers, did what was asked of me. Much of my late teens and early twenties consisted of landscaping 50-60 hours a week, working out, living with my roommates (My parents) and joining team blackout on Saturdays. I saved $15,000 and started my own business when I was 23. Thus began the blind leaps of faith, I say that now, but looking back it may have been more arrogance and stupidity. None the less, I began stepping out of my comfort zone. I started to feel this strong internal pull that was asking more of myself. My business was the beginning of following that pull. I remember saying to someone at this time, "I don't want it easy, I want to earn it" Well folks, be careful what you wish for. Spirit heard me loud and clear that day and was to deliver what I asked for in the coming years....
My landscaping business lasted about a year and a half before I realized I did not love what I was doing. I had been working 60-80 hour weeks mostly solo and was a tight human being filled with anxiety. Deciding to stop this business was hard, truthfully it was devastating as I thought this would be the rest of my life. This devastation brought me face to face with this thing called Depression. 4 months worth the first time to be exact. After lots of denial, feelings of helplessness, staying up till 2am and sleeping till noon or 1 o'clock I had a brilliant idea.
I did what any highly intelligent unemployed person would do, I went to play poker. At the time, I was plagued with having zero clue of what to do next, what path I wanted to take. Knowing what I know now, it was more like I didn't want to take responsibility for that decision. I was lucky in that the table I sat down to play at had an old friend sitting there. He was working for a finance company and said they had an opening. With no prospects I took that opportunity and ran. In 3 weeks, I had an interview and landed the job on the spot. I started working out again, actually started a bodybuilding competition. I had hope again. I had a new start, a new chapter and as I got busy with these new structures in my life the depression faded away. The next few months I worked hard, had success in my new job being one of the top 3 performers at the time, won best abs in my bodybuilding competition was in the best shape of my life. I was happy, life was good.
Then that fateful night I was swiping right on Tinder and I was to meet the girl from Michigan that changed my life forever. Very quickly we connected, even quicker we drew closer. I began to feel something I never had before. I recognize it now as pure joy and a burning passion of unconditional love. Well, feeling that for the first time was intense, overwhelming and of course at 25 I handled that swimmingly. A dream that I had 30 seconds before waking up one morning set me off in a quick downward spiral. Yea, for real, a dream. Talking about it out loud made it seem quite harmless, but when I awoke it felt as though a piano had been dropped onto my chest and an instantaneous feeling of depression succumbed me. I realized I was terrified of losing her, I was terrified that I could not be the man she needed me to be. After a few more months, she did leave. She went back to Michigan and I was left lost, with a hole in my heart.
This was new for me, having someone leave me. I was used to running away as a protection mechanism. It was interesting as I was not mad at her, I knew she had not done this maliciously. I for the first time asked, what was I doing wrong? What were some things I needed to change about how I was doing life? A major shift happened for me in my life at this time. She was able to crack the massive walls around my heart, so the light could finally find its way in. Thus began a more open perspective for me. This is when my journey to healing began and I started facing things head on instead of running away. I started seeing a therapist around this time, I started exploring chakras, reiki, energy healing, acupuncture, yoga and Meditation.
As I started to decipher my code ADHD came up. I began taking aderrol and was able to find balance and structure in my life. I would have 10 months of rising the ranks at work and a very balanced life. Then my stubborness set in, I did not want to be on medication for the rest of my life. At this time I was reading a book by Dr. Daniel Amen called Change your Brain, Change your life. It had stated that it was scientifically proven that you could rewire your brain. This was the catalyst that drove me to learn more about the power of the mind and to deepen my meditation practice to learn to control my mind, instead of it controlling me. Living in a world of extreme's I went and leased a 45k truck, quit my job 2 months after that with no plan and in my head it would all work out.
In the end it would work out, but 6 months of deep depression and anxiety would accompany me (while life was working itself out) This would not be the last time either. Around this time I had taken a drive north on route 16 towards Alton Bay. I was struggling mentally at the time and was listening to Les Brown speeches to try and motivate me, to try and make me feel okay. As I listened to his speech “I’m the one” those words rocked me to my core. That was my Eureka moment. I thought to myself if I can survive myself, survive this pain I will transform this into hope for others. The same way less Brown did for me.
Good news, I’m alive! This website is proof of that. Truth is this has been an obstacle for me for a minute, but here we are. I have a burning desire to inspire others to honor or find the power within and take action on loving yourself, to take action on having closer more connected relationships, to take action on traveling to that place you’ve always wanted to go or to take action on starting your dream business or career. I want to convince you that you can! Life is a series of journeys, the most beautiful ones begin on the edge of your comfort zone. Take my hand so that together we may rise!